Journal #11

The book of 1 John has really opened my eyes to the kind of life style that I want to live.

After reading the book, I was forced to examine my life today.  There are many things that I am consistent at doing.  However, there are things that have caused me to stumble.

I wholeheartedly believe that Jesus is the only Savior of the world.  That is something I do not doubt.  I do have a problem in loving others without hate.  It is hard not to hold some hate for people especially if they have hurt you.  If I say I love God, then that is only true if I also love others for God loves those people too.  It is not enough to say that I love somebody because love is an action.  To love is to show genuine care.  I know that I will not love everybody in the world but I do know that I cannot hold any hate against any person.  The best example of love is Jesus dying on the cross.  He died for me and my neighbors.  Therefore, I need to lay my life for others in return.

As for sin, I do not see myself living in habitual sin.  That does not mean that I live a sinless life for sin and temptation are all around us, and at times I do give in.  However, my faith in Jesus has helped me to confess and confront these sins.  Even when I do stumble, I have this determination to live according to God's standards.  That determination shows my conscious decision to live a faithful and sinless life.

My life is not perfect but each day I am striving to be better.  I have placed God in control of my life.  The book of 1 John has assured me of eternal life with God and victory of sin.  My job is to be faithful to his word.

Journal #10

There have been many trials that I have experienced within my nineteen years of life.  None of these trials would probably be as hard as what the persecuted Christians went through or are going through but none-the-less they are very hurtful.  Things that have really been hard on me are the gossip and judgments that goes around the church.  Having my father be my pastor has been a blessing.  However, with the good comes the bad.  I feel as though I am always being judged.  I'm either too good or not good enough.  Where is the balance?  There are always eyes looking down upon my family and judgments being made.  I, too, am human and will make mistakes.  So why is it so fascinating for other people to see my downfalls?  What's even worst is when church members judge other people in the church.  Shouldn't the church be a place of forgiveness and understanding?  These rumors and criticisms don't necessarily affect me but they are still trials that I have to deal with.  I look to people in the church for help and guidance.  When I don't see that in my fellow Christians, I get hurt and confused.  If I can't trust the church then who can I trust?

Ultimately these trials have drawn me closer to God.  Through trials, I have learned to trust him more and more.  From my trials, I have gained so much knowledge and will still continue to learn from them today.  Each day I grow and mature.  God has given me a life full of blessings and a little hardship will not pull me away from him.  I think God gave me life not for my own benefit but for the benefit of others.  Being judged is hurtful but maybe through my life others will see Jesus.

Journal #9

In the world today many people are searching for answers to hard questions in the wrong places.  We are in a greed driven world where our focus is to get to the top.  In order to get to the top people will do whatever it takes including rejecting the true teachings of Jesus.  After all, Jesus did not teach about gaining earthly possessions.  And that is just the type of world we are living in today.  It's a world with its focus on what is happening right now and not on what is to come. People will seek false advice from whoever is available in order to receive justification for all of their wrong doings.

As for the church there are many who are practicing false teachings.  These false teachers will say whatever just to bring people in and feel important.  Their focus is no longer on God but just like the world, they want success and power.  These false teachers say that they are expanding the kingdom of God when in fact they are actually seeking acclamation.  Just as the world, the church too can be a hurtful place when the teachings are wrong.  With false teachings in the church the world will never be saved.

To the world, the church may seem like a weak place.  To have faith in God is to be weak.  In order to have power, people will resolve to their own thinking or the thinking of other people as long as it does not involve God.

Journal #8- journal for new testament

To be a Christian means to live a life different from those of this world.

Jesus Christ was crucified for doing absolutely no wrong.  He lived the life of a man and died when he didn't have to.  He truly suffered.  I suffer, but not in the same manner as Jesus.

The way that I suffer can be examined by many of the past events in my life.  I remember once at a party my father was asked to "relax" a little.  By this, the other guy meant have a drink and follow the crowd.  Having a strong faith and knowing that taking a drink would be wrong, my father politely decline.  Another example is the feeling of exclusion.  It is sad when, in the Cambodian community, Christian Cambodians are excluded from certain events because of their religion and a faith that is stronger than traditions.  It hurts to be ridiculed and judged and looked upon as weak by your own people.

Christians around the world are suffering daily. They are tortured and killed.  I happen to suffer in a way that the United States society can understand.  The way I suffer is to not be accepted by other people.  This truly hurts.  However, when I think about the pain that I have endured, I can't help but think that Jesus suffered so much more.  I only suffer on the inside.  My mind wants to fit into the world but I know that the world will not save me.  Jesus, on the other hand, suffered mentally, emotionally, and physically.  Sometimes, I think of how selfish I am when I feel a little hurt for something that is not even important.  We are so important to Jesus that he died for us.  Would the world die for me?  Since Jesus did this for me I need to do something for him.  I need to give everything up and follow him even if that means suffering the way that he did.

Journal #7

Have you ever shown love to somebody only to be rejected later?  Well, I have.  I don't necessarily mean the kind of love the one has for a lover but a genuine love that one has for another human being.  No matter how much love and patience and kindness you show, nothing ever seems to make that other person show love to you.  The only logical thing to do is give up.  I had this problem for a while, and not until after my junior year in high school did I finally decide to truly let my barriers fall down.  If God has so much love for a sinner like me than I owe it to Him to love my neighbors and enemies with that same love.  Time and time again I know I have let God down.  So I, too, should give those who have hurt me a chance. 

Recently, a young man who went to my church was killed.  When we were younger, this kid tormented me so much, and one day I decided to not care for him anymore.  Now that he's gone, I feel so ashamed that I never took the initiative to show continuous love towards him. 

With all that said, God is bringing new people into my life that are constantly showing genuine love for me.  I can see through them the kind of love that God wants me to show.

Even with all the help, I still continue to struggle.  After all, I am a human being.  Just as I know that I am a human being, I need to understand that the people who hurt me are also human beings, capable of making the same mistakes I make.  I need help in not holding grudges or preconceived thoughts.